I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The air was thick with penises
I need a burrito and a hug.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
