Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
