Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
