Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Someone stole a lamp last night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
