Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
