"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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