Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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