tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
