I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
