We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
