So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
