TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize