Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
