sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
