You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
