Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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