I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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