Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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