my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
