dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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