I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
