hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Soap is not a condiment
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
