so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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