I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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