Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
