Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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