I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
