does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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