I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
