That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
