i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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