All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
false alarm. still invincible.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
