Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
