wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
