you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
