How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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