Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
