you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
