I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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