I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
