I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she peed on how many people?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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