I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
