You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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