god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
