I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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