Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
