turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize