take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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