maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
