I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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