You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
