im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
