Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize