look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
