she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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