a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
