There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
