Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Randomize
