I could make wine with my vomit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
