i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
