Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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