He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
