i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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