First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
