Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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